Review: The Compelling DocuDrama "Sharknado"

I'm writing this post after being deeply moved by a piece of cinematic brilliance I witnessed this evening.  Never before has there been a film that manages to give such a poignant commentary on the state of the human condition.  If you had the deep misfortune to miss the original airing, or the subsequent airing two hours later, then do yourself a favor and type the following into your OnDemand search right now: S-H-A-R-K-N-A-D-O.

At its onset, the movie draws the audience's attention to various overlooked factors of impending doom for life on this planet.  It really makes you start to think.  Who out there is talking about the dangers we face from a massive hurricane spewing out tornadoes laden with dozens of members of the family Carcharhinidae?  Nobody except Syfy, that's who!  It's time for America to take a closer look by performing a serious reassessment of the priorities of the mainstream media.  Syfy being the first to draw public awareness to this topic is like the National Enquirer breaking the John Edwards baby daddy story.

What really makes the movie great, though, is how the writer decided to take it a step further, even though he could have easily stopped right there with the movie's message, seeing as how he had already done our nation such an incredible public service by alerting us to yet another weapon of mass destruction in the extensive arsenal of that bitch Mother Nature.  Instead, he uses the final, climactic scene of the movie as a medium for crafting a brilliantly choreographed metaphor for the plight of the Jewish people.

Prior to the invasion of the Nazis, the Jews of Eastern Europe were living a life of relative stability after persevering through years of struggles, just like Tara Reid finding a doctor to finally make her breasts look level and symmetrical after years of hack plastic surgeons botching her implants.  And then what happened? She was so distracted by the enjoyment of her newly sculpted symmetry that she didn't see the Sharknado coming until it was too late, just like the unsuspecting Jews didn't see the Nazis coming.

The breathtaking image of Steve Sanders diving into the open mouth of a flawlessly aerodynamic shark was representative of the Jews being systematically consumed by special Nazi execution squads.  These squads would constantly rotate throughout Jewish communities in Eastern Europe.  You know what else rotates?  Sharknados rotate.  And the audience is temporarily rendered breathless as they wonder how these storm-ravaged people could possibly pull through now they were facing the loss of the heart and soul of their resistance, just like people were questioning the future of the Jewish people after they lost millions to Nazi genocide.

With an emotional presence reserved for the canonical films of our time, the other P-list actors in the movie notice the faint buzzing sound of a chainsaw, which grows increasingly louder until, finally, its blade bursts from inside the belly of the shark, and Steve Sanders emerges in a blood-soaked blaze of glory.  There could not possibly be a better parallel for the re-emergence and revitalization of the Jewish people in the United States after millenia of oppression culminating in an attempt to exterminate their entire race.  Metaphorically soaked in the blood of their ancestors like Steve Sanders was literally soaked in the blood of the shark, the Jewish people emerged from near-certain death to find hope in a new life, where they eventually succeeded in taking over Hollywood to produce cinematic masterpieces like Sharknado.